Welcome to Earth

This is the story of the birth of our son. 

In the early morning of May 22 I woke up in the middle of the night to pee, like I often did while pregnant. But this time, when I wiped I noticed a gelatinous pink substance on the toilet paper. I instantly got really excited, because I knew it had to be the mucous plug. I was instantly nervous yet thrilled that I would possibly be going to labor soon. I text messaged my Mom, who slept on the other side of the house from me, and then settled in and tried to sleep. I knew I needed to sleep, given what awaited me, but I was just too keyed up to really fall back asleep. It was around 1:00 am, and I think I only got a couple more hours of sleep that night.

When I woke up, I quickly got dressed in my workout clothes so that my Mom and I could go for one of our daily walks in the desert. If labor was near, I wanted to speed it up by moving as much as I could–this was part of my plan to have an active birth. We did our normal walking route, and I pushed myself to walk as fast as I could.  Normally on these walks I would have pretty strong Braxton-Hicks contractions, and this time was no different. The faster I walked, or if I pushed myself up a hill, the Braxton-Hicks would get stronger and my belly would feel really tight. But today I didn’t feel any sensations out of the ordinary–just the strong Braxton-Hicks.

After our walk I decided to go to my weekly prenatal yoga class. I’d always imagined that it would be neat to go to yoga while in early labor, and though I wasn’t having any contractions yet I figured this would be my last yoga class before having my baby. I mentioned to the girls at the beginning that I’d lost my plug that morning, and everyone was really excited for me. The class passed pretty uneventfully, but at the very end when it was time to chant “om” as a group, I remember thinking that I should put a lot of emphasis into this om so that my baby could really feel it. At that moment, I felt a strong gush of water like I had peed myself, but not strong enough to make a puddle or anything. I rushed to the bathroom, where I confirmed that there was a lot of liquid in my pants, then hurried back to the yoga room to tell everyone that I thought my water had just broken. I told Susie, the yoga teacher who was going to be my doula, that I would keep her posted after my midwife’s appointment that afternoon. It was such a delightful moment!

My Mom picked me up from yoga and then we drove together to my midwife’s office. During the entire drive, I continued to feel little squirts of liquid–not too heavy, but enough to notice. When we got to my midwife’s office for my prenatal appointment, there were three other pregnant couples there. This was surprising, because I didn’t know it was going to be a group prenatal. I told my midwife that there was “wet stuff” coming out. I tried to act natural and sit on the couch like everyone else, but the liquid kept coming and my pants were starting to get really wet. So one of the assistants took me into another room to test the liquid to see whether it was amniotic fluid. As soon as she looked down there, she said “Oh yeah, that’s amniotic fluid,” and her test strip confirmed it. I was so excited but also so nervous that I was definitely having a baby soon. Of course I knew that I would be giving birth sometime soon, but as a first-time mom it’s just hard to wrap your mind around the fact that you are really actually going to push out a baby.

After confirming that my water had broken, I expected…something. But my midwives acted like nothing was going on. I wanted to scream “Hello–aren’t I having a baby, like soon?!” But instead I tried to act nonchalant like everyone else at the prenatal. We all went downstairs for a group communal lunch, and no one even really mentioned the fact that I was about to go into labor. Meanwhile, I started having very light contractions–really more like a backache. But I tried to pretend I didn’t feel anything, since that was the vibe I was getting from my midwives who went through this all the time.

After lunch my Mom and I drove home and I tried to nap. Again–tried. I was starting to have very light contractions, so I thought it would be a good time to listen to some hypnobirthing tracks and try to get in the right mental zone. They didn’t really help me relax too much, because I never did fall asleep. After an hour or so of trying to nap, I decided to quit and walked out into the living room to see that my sisters had arrived from California. As soon as they heard I’d lost my plug, they got in the car and started driving over from San Diego.

We decided to fulfill a family tradition of going out to eat Mexican food at our favorite restaurant, ZTejas. Every time my sisters come in town from San Diego, we go straight there to enjoy chambord margaritas and chips and salsa. My contractions were so light at this point that I could just sort of pretend I didn’t feel them. Over dinner we laughed and were all very light-hearted. I remember thinking we had this great secret that no one in the restaurant knew–I was in labor! I texted back and forth with my midwives. Two of the assistants said they were going to try to meet us for drinks, and the head midwife suggested that after dinner we go to the movies. But about half-way through dinner my contractions started getting a bit more noticeable, and I knew that I didn’t want to be away from my home much longer.

Once we got home, I decided to start with some of my early labor plans from my birth plan. First, I started baking a cake. I was getting a bit grumpy from the increasing pain, but I tried to hide it and focus on the steps to the cake. Sometimes I leaned over the kitchen counter, but at this point the contractions really felt more like a bad backache than what I had imagined. My Dad (my parents are divorced) stopped by to visit, but I wasn’t very hospitable to him–I sort of ignored him while my sisters and Mom talked to him. I started getting a bit teary too, because the contractions were starting to hurt more. I never timed them, so I have no idea how far apart they were. But I didn’t feel light-hearted anymore, so I felt like real labor was getting closer. My midwives, doula, and birth photographer kept texting me to ask if they should come over, but I didn’t want to have they come too early so I told them to wait.

Around 8:00 pm, my yoga teacher/doula Susie came over. It was really good that she came when she did, because I was crying for no reason and my family was starting to really annoy me (again, for no real reason). We decided to go for a walk outside in the dark. While we walked, Susie told me that she felt like I was in very early labor, because I was able to hold a good conversation. I don’t remember what we talked about, but I know that as we walked the contractions ramped up a notch. We probably stayed outside for 15 minutes before we headed back home. But it was just what I needed to recenter myself and put the tears away, for the time being.

Once we got inside, we decided to watch some TV to take my mind off the contractions. Things start to get fuzzy at this point, but I know that we turned on Game of Thrones. Susie and I sat on the floor, and she began giving me a back massage whenever a contraction would come on. I sat on the birth ball and on the floor, and after about 30 minutes I couldn’t pay attention to the show at all. I knew the show was playing, but I had no idea what was going on. The contractions were starting to take all of my concentration. I think around this time I told my Mom to take over text messaging my midwives and birth photographer, because I couldn’t focus enough to talk to them anymore. The contractions hurt, but moving around, breathing, and Susie’s peaceful touch helped me to cope with them.

Around 10:00 pm my first midwife assistants showed up. I remember being pleasantly surprised to see Danielle and Rachel in my house–and thinking how funny it was to see them out of the context of their office. I don’t remember anything else about this time, but I assume we all sat in the living room for a bit while I moved around and sat on the birth ball. I must have asked to go in the tub, because my next memory is getting into the tub in my Mom’s bathroom. I had planned to labor mostly in her bathroom, because it was so large, with a huge soaking tub, shower large enough to fit many people, and seating for all my attendants. In all, I was expecting Rachel, Danielle, and Jamie (the three apprentice midwives), Shell, my dear midwife, Susie the yoga teacher/doula, Natalie a birth photographer, my sisters Kelly and Kristen, and my Mom. Yes–that is a lot of women to have at a birth, but it seemed right to me.

So there I was–soaking in the tub, like I’d dreamed of, surrounded by candles and my sweet birth team. My Mom followed my birth plan and made sure there was lavender candles and incense burning, the birth mix created by Bryan playing, dim lighting, etc. The contractions were at a place where I knew what was going on around me in between, but during a contraction I had to go into myself, moan, breathe, and really focus to get through. We weren’t timing, but the contractions seemed to be coming closer and closer. I started having shooting pains in my back with each contraction, so my doulas would surround me and push really hard into the small of my back, while another would squeeze my hand tightly–this became necessary to get through each back-burning contraction. 

 

 

 

I was starting to think that I had to be close to fully dilated, because the contractions seemed on top of one another, leaving me with barely any break. I was starting to think really negative thoughts, and I told my midwife Danielle that. “I’m thinking lots of cliche thoughts right now!” I moaned. She told me to just let them out, so I screamed “I don’t think I can do this much longer, I want to quit, I hate this.” Everyone just smiled–I must be nearing transition! I remember also thinking of how proud of myself I was to make it this far, keeping it together and employing all of my pain management techniques. At this point, my midwife Shell said that it was pretty late (I think around 1:00 am), and so maybe we should check my cervix to see if everyone (the midwives, doulas, family, etc.) should try to get some sleep, including me. So reluctantly I got out of the bath and onto my Mom’s bed to let Shell check me. 

This was the first time my cervix had ever been checked at any point during my pregnancy or labor. As she had her hand inside me, Shell started to laugh a little and said “Are you ready for this?” “What?” I said, thinking she was about to tell me I was fully dilated. “You’re barely 1 cm dilated,” she said. 

At that point, it was like a record scratched and my whole world stopped. I was shocked and immediately began to panic. I was barely holding on anymore, and yet I was barely dilated. The next contraction felt like someone had taken that torture lever in The Princess Bride that Prince Humperdink used to torture Wesley, and turned it up to 100. I screamed with all my might and began vomiting violently. Everything gets very blurry after this. I remember they had me call Bryan, and I told him that I had lost all hope. I just didn’t see how I could keep going, I had completely lost my center. The contractions had hurt previously, but I could cope; now, all I could do was scream as the contractions washed over me like a wave. 

At this point my midwives realized they were in for a long night/day, so they began taking turns napping. My sister Kristen went to bed. I was left with one midwife at a time and my Mom. Things were quieter and less jubilant. I quickly realized that I couldn’t lay down at all, because my contractions got so so much worse. I started making a circuit of bath, toilet, and shower. I did this for the rest of the night, and with each contraction I basically just screamed and clutched onto whoever was nearest. No amount of breathing or visualizing could help me. I began thinking that there was no way I was having this baby, but if I just kept pretending eventually they would have to take me to the hospital and cut it out. 

My Mom became my rock. I had been certain my Mom would just annoy me during labor, but when I got to this low point–where I just felt desolation that I would never be giving birth and would be in labor forever–I just need my Mommy. 

The hours all blend together as the night passed and morning took hold. Once daylight appeared, I began spending some time in the swimming pool, swaying from side to side while my sister Kelly held me. Like my Mom, Kelly was such a soothing presence for me. 

After 1:00 am, things just kept on going pretty much the same. I would spend some time in the tub, where the pain wasn’t as bad, but I began feeling the contractions deep in my butt. The back pain was terrible, but when it progressed to my butt, it was like no pain I could ever imagine. Every contraction made me feel like I was trying to poop a watermelon. So I would go to the toilet, where I could sort of ease the muscles down there and deal with the butt pain a little bit better. The pain was eased the most in the shower, so I took shower after shower. 

I remember my midwife Danielle bringing me my birth plan and reading me the part about how under no circumstances should they take me to the hospital unless Shell told them it was necessary. I had not once asked to go to the hospital, but I was moaning that I coudn’t do it, that I was never going to have my baby, and things like that. Plus, my screams never once abated from 1:00 am on. Shell suggested that something mental was blocking me from progressing, so Danielle tried to do some Bodytalk on me. I’m still not really sure what Bodytalk is, but I know it’s a kind of therapy where my body gives feedback to Danielle and helps her to learn what’s going on with me mentally. 

Shell checked my cervix a couple of times, and each time she did it she would leave her hand in for the next contraction and try to spread my cervix. Can I just say that this was the most painful thing about my whole labor. The butt pain was terrible, truly terrible…but having someone’s hand inside you during a contraction feels the way I imagine having a finger or toe slowly cut off would feel. BUT…by doing this she seemed to be able to help me dilate faster. She would tell me to push into a certain side of my cervix, for example, and to visualize it opening in specific detail. She’s some kind of a cervix Jedi master, because this truly helped. 

The butt pain got worse and worse, so that I felt the need to bear down with each contraction, even though it wasn’t time to push. Often I would be walking, with my Mom and Sister on each side of me, when a contraction would hit. I would immediately drop into a squat and bear down with all my might, and they would each have to hold an arm. But I was not actually pushing the baby out. I just felt the need to push into my butt. 

As bad as things were, they just kept getting worse. I remember thinking the neighbors were going to call the police, because I was yelling so loudly. Shell told me to scream “UPPPP!” to my cervix, and I did. I screamed “OUTTT! GET OUTTTTT!” to the baby. I told everyone that I thought my baby was an asshole. I told Shell that I knew my baby was never coming out. She laughed and said that all babies eventually came out. I told her with certainty that not mine–my baby was not coming out. 

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. Like, really really couldn’t take it any more. But I would NOT ask to go to a hospital. So I looked at Shell and begged her to tell me what to do. I just wanted her to tell me what I had to do to get him out. I knew that she knew, but it wasn’t her style to give orders. At this point, though, she started giving orders. She told me to go back outside, get in the pool, and start marching up and down the length of the pool. Then do lunges on the left for a few contractions, and then lunges on the right for a few contractions. If you’re on land and a contraction hits, squat or lunge into it. Then for a few contractions, pull up on your belly and march your legs. If you do all that, I bet you’ll have your baby within an hour, she said. Suddenly determined to get this darn baby out, I headed straight for the pool (and had at least 2 terrifying contractions on the way), and began to follow her orders. Things started getting really really primal, but I continued to push into the pain. Wherever you feel it really hurt, push into that place, she told me. And I did. The more it hurt, the more I tried to make it hurt. I bore down with the butt contractions, even though it hurt so so piercingly. I screamed like a banshee, gritted and gnashed my teeth, and pushed even harder into the pain. 

After about an hour of this, the contractions were coming so fast that it felt like there was no time at all between contractions. I couldn’t walk more than 10 feet without another contraction coming, forcing me to drop into a squat. 

I made it back into my Mom’s bedroom, when a wave of contractions one right on top of the other hit me. This time, I dropped down to my knees and began bearing down and actually pushing. I think whoever was with me could tell that I was pushing for real this time, and called for Shell. Everyone gathered around me right there on the floor in my Mom’s room. I think Shell positioned me on my back, like you see with hospital births, because she knew how tired I was from not having slept at all. As I pushed on my back, her assistants checked the baby’s heart rate. I don’t know what it was, but something must have been wrong with his heart tones, because I heard Shell say calmly but forcefully “Paramedics.” I’ll never forget that moment. She immediately had me move onto hands and knees, while my sisters began to call 911. All I could think was that I had to push with all my might. I didn’t know what the paramedics would be able to do if I couldn’t get my baby out, so I just had to push. 

I went from hands and knees to squatting, back and forth, pushing as hard as I could. I had imagined that I would just push naturally, that my body would just know what to do–but because of Shell ordering them to call the paramedics, I didn’t even think about whether I was having a contraction, I just pushed continuously, took a giant breath, and then pushed some more. My Mom was right in my face, screaming at me to push. Someone was holding up an oxygen mask to my face. They kept checking the baby’s heart tones and apparently they got better, so that when the paramedics arrived Shell told my Aunt (who had arrived at some point–she’s the one with the dark hair holding me in the picture below) to go meet the paramedics and not let them into the room. I never even saw them–I guess they just waited outside the room. But Shell told me “Jenna, your baby wants a big gulp of air right now, let’s get him out so he can have some air.” So I continued to push, even though I was starting to get so tired. The pain of pushing didn’t really register with me, because it was so much less painful than the contractions I had been having. I didn’t really know when I was having a contraction anymore, because I was so focused on pushing. 

After 20 minutes of this, Shell said that we needed to calm down a bit and that things weren’t so urgent. At this point, though, I think my baby’s head began to show–they said they could see his hair and told me to reach down and feel. But I didn’t want to feel–I just wanted to get him out. I’m not sure if we were actually in any danger, but Shell seemed to think that we needed to get the baby out because she told me to quickly get on my back again and she basically had her hands in me trying to pull him out as I pushed. I have to rely on what people are telling me about what was happening at this point, because all I was thinking about was pushing and I was never really scared. While I laid on my back, my Mom cradling me, Shell pulled my baby out. He was purple and not breathing, and had his cord looped around his leg and shoulder. Shell said “There’s the problem!” and then unlooped it and took him. She said “Don’t worry I’m really good with babies, what’s his name?” Felix, I told her, and the team immediately got to work rubbing him and calling his name. I couldn’t see what they were doing, but what I’m told is that even though it felt like time was suspended, within 15 seconds of him coming out he slowly opened his eyes (I imagine this happening in slow motion) and looked straight at my birth team. Everyone started to cheer, and my baby was welcomed to Earth.

I had never felt so happy in my life. All of the pain I had been feeling was gone. I was sort of in shock about what had just happened when they put him on my chest, but I remember saying over and over “Baby baby baby I will love you forever Momma’s baby I love you so much.” I couldn’t even hold him properly, but he was right on my chest and we were reunited.

The fear of the paramedics being called and his few seconds of not breathing were a bit scary to everyone in the room, but I just remember knowing that Shell would make everything okay and that my baby was going to be okay. My Aunt Dianna is sitting here as I write this, and she tells me that it felt like we were all pulling Felix to Earth together. 

I stayed on the floor for awhile, holding my baby while Shell looked at the damage. She told me she didn’t have much hope for my perineum, because of how she’d had to pull him out…but besides a small tear, I didn’t have any damage. I didn’t even need one stitch. I barely remember delivering the placenta–Shell basically did it for me, guiding it out while I held onto my baby and didn’t pay much attention.

 

 

Once the cord had stopped pulsing, my Mom cut it. I remember this vaguely, as it happened right on my belly. 

After awhile, I was moved to a chair and then to the bed. My midwives bustled around cleaning up. Someone prepared me a meal of gluten-free pasta and meatballs. I spent 30 minutes trying to pee before I gave up and allowed Shell to put a catheter in me (best. decision. ever). I Skyped with Bryan and showed him his baby up close. I also peed my pants because I had to go more even after the catheter was out, so I just did. It was amazing. Shell and my beautiful team of midwives performed Felix’s newborn exam on the bed in my Mom’s room. Natalie shot photos of Felix, and then I nursed him for the first time in the comfort of my own bed. We were never separated against my will, and nothing was done to him without my approval. He was not poked with a needle, swabbed with eye gunk, or bathed. His birth experience was respected and cherished in every way. 

This is my midwife Jamie. Her tattoo sort of symbolizes my entire birth story and our home birth movement as a whole for me. Midwives and doulas feel like angels to me, helping bring these babies to Earth with their loving, skilled hands. Birth is so much more than a medical procedure. It is a spiritual rite, it is sacred, and it is beautiful. 

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When I think back on my birth, I think it was so much more difficult than I could ever have comprehended. Yet I never gave up. The back labor, the butt labor, the slow progression, the scary moments when he was having trouble when I was pushing and when he first came out were a little traumatizing. But now, three months after my birth, all I can think is that I can’t wait to do it again. I feel 100% sure that having him at home was the right thing. I know a lot of people are interested in home birth, but scared that something might go wrong, putting their child in danger. But you guys–midwives are so incredibly skilled. I feel so confident saying that these women know more about birth than any OB. They are there with birthing women through it all. They have seen so much, helped so many women birth naturally, that they just know how birth works and trust in this process. I feel like birth is such a spiritual thing. You have to have faith in the process and yourself. But if you are prepared, and if you have a good midwife, and if you just give yourself over mind, body, and soul to it, you can experience birth in such a divine way.

And let me just say this: if I had tried to birth Felix in a hospital, I know with a certainty that he would have ended up being born by c-section. I progressed so slowly, and I know I would not have made it through whatever wall was holding me back in a hospital. That right there would have ended up leading to a c-section. But I also know that I would not have had a birth team surrounding me with such love and knowledge in a hospital setting. Shell’s instructions on how to lunge, pull up on my belly and march my legs, push into the pain, and order my cervix up were so key to me. But most of all, Shell, Danielle, Rachel, and Jamie’s faith in me when I had given up on myself made it possible for me to birth this boy at home, naturally. I don’t know that any OB would have had such faith.

Felix is such a blessing–I love him with every ounce of my being. He is my heart and soul. Birth is also such a blessing. We, as parents-to-be, are entrusted with this most sacred decision to bring a child into the world, and I think that we have a responsibility to respect our babies and allow them to come into this world in a peaceful way. Women, our bodies were meant to do this. We can, and we must, trust the process, seek out skilled midwives who believe in birth, and trust ourselves help welcome our babies to Earth with minimal intrusion and maximum love.

All shots were taken by the beautiful, talented, kind-hearted, divine Natalie Norton (seen with Felix and me in the picture above). Natalie, thank you for being there and for helping bring this boy to Earth. I love you.

I must also thank Susie, my yoga teacher, friend, and doula. I don’t know if she knew what she was getting herself into when she agreed to help me at my birth, but I am so glad she was there. I couldn’t have done it without you. You will always be so special to me and Felix.

Kelly and Kristen–thank you for being the best sisters I could ever ask for. Your being there for Felix’s birth is so powerful. I can’t wait to be there when you birth your own children.

Mom–I love you. You were my rock and I have so much gratitude that I was able to push Felix out while being cradled in your arms in your bedroom. Than you thank you thank you.

And finally, to my sweet husband Bryan: thank you for witnessing the birth of our baby boy. I felt that you were there for every minute of it. I love you forever.

3 Months!

Happy 3 Months little guy! You’re getting to be such a big boy!

It’s undeniable that you have the sweetest smile of all the babies.

You’re learning how to hold yourself up when you’re on you’re tummy!  You can actually stay on your tummy now for up to 5 minutes at a time before you get frustrated and want to switch over. Yesterday you picked up a toy and tried to put it in your mouth with one hand while you’re other hand held you up.

Your blue eyes slay me. 

Sometimes you smile and scrunch up your whole body at the same time, like you’re saying “Oh my gosh I just can’t take it I’m sooo happy!”

You’re my smiley little boy, what can I say.

You spend a lot of time playing on your play mat. You have favorite toys, like the winkel, Freddie the Firefly, and the weird little Panda that sings “Twinkle Twinkle” in a creepy voice. But you love it!

You’re always such a good boy in your car seat. You hardly ever cry! When we drove to San Diego, you slept almost the whole way and barely fussed towards the end.

I love how you use your little hands to prop you up during tummy time. 

You have so many different faces. I love your smiles, but I also love your calm contemplative face.

You went to San Diego a second time to see your Aunties Kelly and Kristen. They love you so much, I barely even get to hold you when they’re around. They help out so much!

We don’t have enough Mother-Son photos. We need to change that! One of my most favorite things is to wear you in a baby carrier. I’m a babywearing mama!

I also love to sneak into your room in the middle of the night and watch you sleep. Now that we’re barely swaddling you at all, I love to watch what you do with your arms when you’re sleeping. Sometimes when you’re ready for a feeding, we catch you sucking your fingers in your sleep.

You’re almost always a smiley boy in the morning–so happy to see your mama.

I love your little arms when you sleep like this.

Here is Auntie Kristen carrying you in the Mei Tai…you must have been hungry, because you’re sucking your fingers again.

We took you to the beach, but kept you in the shade the whole time. This picture was just a photo op! We also let you get nakey, and you loved that. Until you peed all over your little beach tent!

Auntie Kelly carried you in the Mei Tai too! This was at Target…you were so tired you finally fell asleep in your carrier.

Another of the rare Mommy-Son photos…I’m usually taking the pictures! 

Momma’s smiley boy.

Here you are, trying out your new hand coordination.

Bria and Caleb are Ilalia’s babies who were due on the same day as you, May 19. They were born a bit earlier than you, though. We went to visit them and couldn’t resist getting a picture of the babies together.

Tyson, Ilalia’s first born, wanted to get in on the photo action too.

I try to tempt you to crawl with toys, but so far it isn’t working.

You love your Sophie the Giraffe, but you have a hard time holding onto it for very long.

On our way to the airport for your big flight to New York. I dressed you up in your Dr. Seuss outfit and thought you looked so cute.

You were such a good boy on the plane–you didn’t even make a peep. 

I love carrying you in your baby sling..and you love looking around while you’re worn.

Sometimes we put you in silly outfits, and you look so cute. I love this little beret on you.

I took this photo when I snuck in to watch you sleep…I just can’t resist how sweet you look now that you’re unswaddled.

More morning smiles & giggles.

You love being nakey! If you’re getting a bit fussy at the end of the night, we just strip off your clothes and can buy at least another 15 minutes of happiness.

Stats: 

Weight: 16 lbs, 2 oz

Height: 24 in

Head: 16 in 

Size Clothing: 6-9 months (Edited: Grandma says 3-6 doesn’t fit Felix anymore!)

Likes: your middle of the night feeding (you are so content); making funny faces and noises with mommy; being carried upright (you don’t want to be held like a baby ever–you like to see the world); baths with mommy…water in general; being nakey; your nightly baby massage

Dislikes: when no one is paying attention to you; when you want to fit a toy in your mouth but it’s too big; tummy time after 5 minutes

Milestones: using your hands to hold toys; trying to put toys in your mouth; holding your head and torso up while you are on your tummy; tracking objects 180 degrees with your eyes; fit in the Ergo baby carrier without a newborn insert; rolled over to one side while on back; first giggles! Felix giggles when he’s tickled, or when someone is doing something very funny. I will throw a toy up in the air repeatedly while saying the ABCs, and that will sometimes elicit a giggle. 

This was our last month without Daddy, and we couldn’t be happier. Felix took two big trips–one to San Diego and one to New York to house hunt. We found our family’s first home together, in Ridgefield, Connecticut. We can’t wait to move back, settle in, and finally get to spend precious moments as a family together. I’m so looking forward to my time as a stay-at-home-Mom. I know I’ll be counting down the hours until Bryan comes home each night, and looking forward to the weekends when we can explore together. It’s been so long without Daddy and I can’t wait to see Felix and him interact!

2 Months!

Felix was two months old yesterday!

Here are his stats:

Weight: 13 lbs, 94th percentile (CDC)
Length: 23 in, 76th percentile (CDC)
Clothing Size: 3-6 months

Unfortunately, mommy is trying to lose the baby weight so we didn’t make a 2-month birthday cake. And for anyone out there who is reading this who doesn’t have children–yes, every “month birthday” counts as a birthday when you have a baby. It’s just more fun that way!

If I had to choose, I would say the theme of Felix’s second month has been routine. We’ve finally been developing some routines, and it makes mommyhood so much more enjoyable! I think Felix appreciates it too.

We love how much Felix smiles. Since birth Felix has been such a happy, sweet baby. He is so quick to flash a huge grin, especially when mommy comes into his nursery in the morning to wake him up. I cherish those moments when he grins so big at me, happy to see me after a long night of sleep.

Felix also has the “Bouchard half-smile” down pat–his Daddy makes the exact same face!

Felix is getting to be such a little man–he looks so cute sitting up in his Bumbo seat! Of course after we realized he could sit up in this seat, we had to buy the snack tray so he can start playing with his toys in the seat. He doesn’t actually pick much toys yet, but he looks at them and is starting to getting interested!

Felix’s centerfold pose! I just love watching him sleep, it’s almost a shame that we’ve transitioned him to his crib. I’m all for co-sleeping, but Felix actually sleeps much better in a dark, quiet room. He sleeps worse when he’s with me than he does when he’s in his crib!

I love his stretchy poses!

Felix is not a huge fan of tummy time yet, but we’re working on it. He can lift his head a few inches, but doesn’t always try to. He can only stomach tummy time for a few minutes! (Did you see what I did there?)

Felix has so many different faces–this is his inquisitive look! He’s looking up at the toys on his playmat arch.

Likes: bath time, his Lamaze toys, when mommy sings to him, baby massage time, being unswaddled in the morning, and making faces at anyone who wants to play

Dislikes: the ocean, being tired or hungry, when his meal is over (this is a big one–he cries every time!)

Tender moments: Our morning routine–first, around 6:00 am or whenever Felix wakes up, I unswaddle Felix and smile big at him, and he always smiles back and acts so happy to see me. Then I change his diaper and continue to talk and make faces with him. Then we settle into his rocker to feed and then read a book. After that, I take Felix into the kitchen and he sits in his bouncer (he loves to look at the birdies on the mobile) while I pump and drink my coffee. Then Felix gets to play! Play for a 2 month old means laying on his play mat and looking at toys, having mommy read him books, making faces with mommy, and tummy time (I don’t think Felix considers this play though). He also really likes to practice walking–I just hold him under his arms and he practices putting weight on his legs and jumping.

Our goal is to stay awake until 8:00 am for nap time, but Felix usually only makes it until 7:30 or so before he is ready to sleep. Putting Felix down for a nap is easy–I just swaddle him (not always–sometimes he can nap fine without a swaddle, but other times he surprises himself with his arms and wakes himself up), rock him while singing Twinkle Twinkle and You Are My Sunshine, and then set him in his crib when he’s drowsy.

Our week in Instagram photos!

sorry there are approximately 923 photos in this post…but i had a lot of catching up to do. these are all the photos from our recent 2 week trip to san diego! felix grew so much in such a short time–i truly feel like i’m watching him grow before my eyes. and i am officially a giant mommy cliche. 

Sleep at 7 weeks

I think I’m starting to figure out this sleep thing–or Felix is, either one. Last night he slept from 9:00 pm to 4:45 am, without waking even once. The trick to getting Felix to sleep a long stretch like that is to swaddle him so that he can’t wake himself up with his flailing hands. I also leave the bedroom door cracked so that when I get up in the middle of the night to pump I make the minimal amount of noise possible.

Another little trick to helping Felix sleep through the night is something I picked up from the book Bringing up Bebe. Bringing up Bebe compares parenting in the U.S. with parenting in France, and gives some really great tips on how to parent without losing your self or making your life miserable. While this might sound more parent-centric than child-centric, I’ve found that many of the tips are really about helping your child to be more independent and healthy. The book says that French parents don’t immediately jump to pick their child up when they hear them stirring from sleep–they let them fuss for a few minutes and hopefully transition back into another sleep cycle. Felix and I are currently co-sleeping, but when I hear him fuss in the middle of thenight I just ignore him. If he is really hungry, he will start to cry, but if it’s just fussiness he drifts back into sleep without a hitch.

Day sleep has been a bigger problem for us. Since birth, Felix has required motion to really nap during the day. Whether that’s his Mamaroo, car seat, or while baby-wearing, as soon as the motion stopped, Felix would wake up. But yesterday I decided that his nap times with motion are too short–sometimes less than 1 hour–and I want him to start taking longer naps so that he’s more rested. So the new nap routine is:
-He wakes from a nap and I change his diaper and then feed him.
-We play, which mainly consists of looking at the toys hanging from his play mat, or me reading books to him.
-When I notice that he’s becoming more quiet or yawns, but before he gets fussy, I take him into a dark room, nurse him until he’s drowsy (eyes starting to close), and then swaddle him. If he’s still awake, I give him his pacifier and lay with him until he falls asleep.

I don’t swaddle him before nursing him because I like him to be able to feel the breast with his hands–I think it improves his nursing, which is still a work in progress.

My ultimate goal is for Felix to nap in his crib in a dark room. We’ll keep up the swaddling and pacifier as long as he needs it, but I’d like to be able to just lay him in his crib at some point and have him fall asleep. I think this will be the marker of a truly rested, well-adjusted baby…so that’s our goal.

25 Weeks!

How far along? 25 weeks (and 6 days, at the time of writing this)

Maternity Clothes? Yep! That’s all I’ve been wearing for awhile now.

Stretch Marks? Not yet! I think this is because I used to weigh approx. what I weigh now at 6 months pregnant. I lost the weight by going Paleo shortly before pregnancy, so maybe my skin has a lot of elasticity from the weight changes?

Sleep? Okay so far. I sleep with a body pillow, pee once a night, and switch sides a few times a night. The main disrupter is the cat, who loves to chew on plastic or mess with bags on the floor while I sleep.

Best Moment this Week: The round ligament pain and sciatica I had last week is gone this week. I credit stretching, yoga, massage, and chiropractic care. I’m still doing Crossfit, and as long as I am very careful, so far so good.

Miss anything? Being able to do everything I want at Crossfit. I miss being able to compete with the best athletes in my class!

Movement: Yes, but not a ton. My placenta is anterior (meaning, it’s on the front of my uterus instead of the back), so when he kicks he often kicks into the placenta and I don’t feel it. I feel him kick on my left side quite a bit when he’s in the right position, or when he’s breach. It feels like he switches positions pretty often.

Food Cravings? Not really. Last week I was craving tacos and salty chips a lot, but I’m trying to keep my diet pretty clean this week. I’m also trying to ignore my sugar (fruit, almond butter, larabar) cravings, but it’s hard because those are my only snacks that are frequently on hand.

Anything make you queasy or sick? I had a half glass of wine a few nights during my sister’s graduation celebration in San Diego, and I found that it made me a touch queasy.

Gender: BOY!

Labor Signs: None. Thank goodness 🙂 Got a ways to go!

Symptoms: This week I feel like I did at the beginning of my 2nd trimester. Energetic, not waddling too much, pretty mobile. It’s a huge change from last week, when I was feeling pain in my lower pelvis and round ligaments and such bad sciatic pain that I was paralyzed one night. I have been very proactive about stretching often, keeping up with my prenatal yoga, and getting frequent massages and chiropractic adjustments, and I think it’s working! I have some swelling in my ankles, but it’s not too bad yet. I’m trying to drink tons of water, pregnancy tea, and hydration drink (special recipe from my midwife)

Belly Button In or Out? In. I doubt it will ever pop out–isn’t that for skinny girls?

Wedding Rings On or Off? On. Thought they are starting to feel a touch tighter.

Happy or Moody Most of the Time? Happy! Except for missing Bryan, I’m very happy with this relaxing little routine I have here in Arizona.

Looking Forward To: Entering my third trimester! I know it will be harder and more painful than the 2nd has been, but it also means our little boy will be arriving soon.

Pregnancy Beauty: Going No-Poo

One of my goals over the past 10 weeks of my pregnancy has been to minimize as much as possible my exposure to toxins and pretty much any chemicals I can’t pronounce. My first step was to switch from shampoo and conditioner to a “no poo” regimen. I had experimented with this before after hearing rave views from other Paleo-type folks, but pregnancy motivated me to recommit. Another factor that influenced me to ditch the ‘poo was learning that almost all shampoos and conditioners contain gluten (typically called wheat protein in the ingredients list). Gluten causes such dramatic reactions in my skin (red blotchy face, psoriasis patches, dandruff), that as soon as I learned that it lurked in many shampoos, I knew it was time to make the change.

My no-poo regimen is pretty simple (and completely unoriginal–CaveGirlEats has an amazing series of posts on Paleo beauty):

Supplies:

-Baking soda (aluminum-free)
-Bragg’s apple cider vinegar
-Cup for mixing
-Tablespoon
-OPTIONAL: tea tree oil

My daily regimen:

1. Get my hair nice and wet in the shower.

2. Mix 1-2 T baking soda with warm water in the cup I keep in the shower.
-I usually mix it with my fingers or swish it around with the handle of my razor to make sure it’s nice and mixed up.
-BONUS: Mix in a few drops tea tree oil.

3. Pour the mixture on my head and scrub it into my roots. Let sit while I shave my legs. Rinse.

4. Mix 1-2 T apple cider vinegar with warm water in the same cup. Pour over head and comb through with a wide-tooth comb. Let sit while I finish soaping off.

5. Rinse really well.

Results:

The baking soda gets my hair PLENTY clean. My natural hair texture is normal-dry, so I never have had a problem with grease, and I haven’t noticed any more grease since I ditched shampoo. I also like the gritty texture and the effect the baking soda has on my scalp (helps ease dandruff).

The apple cider vinegar does smell pretty vinegary. The tea tree oil drops does help a bit with the smell, but you can still smell the vinegar. That’s why it’s important to make sure you rinse well. Also, once your hair is dry, the vinegar smell goes away.

The best part is that my hair has never looked better. I have a tendency to frizz, and that is pretty much gone. My hair feels thicker and softer than ever before. I’m so glad that I’m no longer dousing my scalp with gluten and other unpronounceable chemicals. My hair and scalp are happy that they are no longer being stripped of their essential oils and then coated with a waxy conditioner anymore.

The only way I will ever go back to shampoo is after I apply an overnight coconut oil mask (just heat up the coconut oil and coat your hair and scalp, let it soak in overnight, then shampoo out the next day). The baking soda doesn’t cut through the coconut oil, so in that case I will use a gluten-free shampoo (Dessert Essence is my favorite).

I highly recommend giving the ‘no poo method a chance for at least 30 days. I know that might seem like a long time, but I have heard that for some people it takes about 30 days to get used to it, and then after that their hair has never looked better. Some people like to ease in by replacing every other shampoo with ‘no poo, and then slowly adding more and more days of ‘no poo to the week. Whatever works for you, but I think the goal of getting the gluten out of shampoo and the chemicals off your scalp is worth it!

We’re having a baby!

Baby Bouchard at 9 Weeks

We’ve known we wanted a little Baby Bouchard since well before we got married (if you ask Bryan, he would say he knew he wanted to have a baby with me the night we met at McDuffy’s). But with me being in law school, Bryan being in Japan, and the ever-present possibility of a deployment, when was the right time? Well, if you know anything about us, you know that we don’t like to follow a traditional timeline. We got married while I was still in my first year of law school because it felt right. We wanted to be husband and wife, and so we were. Even after our wedding, however, Bryan was still living in Japan while I was in Boston … so let’s just say the baby-making would have been a little strategically difficult.



When we finally reunited in New York, we deluded ourselves into thinking we would wait and enjoy being newlyweds. That lasted for about 5 seconds before we both divulged that we actually maybe didn’t want to wait. And so just one month after I finished my Arizona internship and returned to NYC (and we finally began to live together full-time) Bryan started noticing that I was eating–a lot. A lot of chocolate, to be precise. And even though I’m typically quite–erm–emotional…I was perhaps a touch more emotional. But Bryan forgot about this because I assured him that I was just PMSing (and we all know that mentioning the monthly visitor is a pretty quick way to get a man to stop asking questions).

I was feeling the tell-tale PMS signs of cramps and irritability, after all. Well, one day while Bryan was at work I decided I was sick of wondering when the visitor was going to arrive, so I decided to go buy a pregnancy test at the corner Rite Aid (always an awkward purchase). When the little pink line showed up, I was actually quite flabbergasted. I knew it was possible that we were pregnant so soon–but what about the cramps I had been having? The chocolate cravings? The tender lady lumps? (Sorry, I’m not good at self-censorship). Well it turns out that many signs of PMS are also signs of early pregnancy. I immediately started chugging water so I could take another test, just to be sure. I also whipped out my cell phone to call Bryan and tell him … but hung up mid-ring because I realized I should probably come up with some cutesy way to tell him that we just might be expecting our first baby together.

I showered, got my pretty on (I wanted my baby-daddy to think his baby-momma was pretty fine), and rushed down to Bryan’s office to tell him the good news. I’m not going to lie, I felt like I was floating the whole way there. I wondered if my fellow subway travelers could tell. I’m pretty sure there was some glowing going on. I could barely contain myself until we got into Bryan’s office and I closed the door, then blurted “I’m pregnant!” Yeah, I’m subtle. I think the next thing I said was “Wanna see the proof?” Which was in my purse in a ziploc bag, natch.

Well, what followed was a flurry of phone calls to my mom and seesters, and then a few days of quasi-denial. Of course I purchased baby books and started perusing baby gear approximately 3 seconds after I saw the little pink line, but I was still understandably worried it wouldn’t “take” for at least a few days. We’re now 10 weeks and 5 days along, and have even heard the heartbeat and seen our little shrimp twice (that’s what they look like at first…whatevs, it’s cute). Bryan and I are both overjoyed and pretty darn impatient for the baby to come out, but we have a lot to think about over the next 7 months.

Baby Bryan

Baby Jenna

So, the Air Force is sending Bryan to Afghanistan. For a year. From Halloween to November-ish 2012, Bryan will be gone. The baby is due in May 2012, so that means that Bryan is going to miss approximately the first 6 months of baby’s life, after he/she is born (we don’t know the gender, but we do plan to find out). But there’s nothing we can do about it, so we’re just going to have to make the best of the situation and focus on what matters–Baby Bouchard.

We’ve also decided that it makes the most sense for me to move back to Arizona and finish law school as a visiting student at ASU (I’ll still have my Harvard degree even though I’m spending my entire 3L year at different law schools). That way I’ll have my family’s support, will be able to have the baby in my momma’s home, and we’ll be able to save a ton of money for the baby’s college education (or, for my law school loans).



So that’s where we are: I’m preggers, Bryan’s going to Afghanistan, and I’m moving back to Arizona. It’s going to be a wild ride until Bry gets back from Afghanistan and we can re-settle down with our new addition somewhere in the New York area (we’re thinking of moving to the ‘burbs), but we know we can handle anything together.

Highlights of 2010

2010 has been quite a year. This year we got married–twice. We went on many adventures (or ventures, as we like to call them when we’re talking baby talk to each other…shhh). And we found out some important news that will determine the next few years of our life. Check out our 2010 in review!

We kicked off 2010 at the Insight Bowl with beautiful Hayley. She got a little antsy and we left early, and then went to Outback for some steaks. We spent a quiet midnight at home, drank some champagne, and retired early like an old married couple.

Here I am with pretty Hayley girl. We got to have her in January, and again in November. We’re looking forward to even more time with her in 2011!

I think it was during our Christmas break that we hatched the plan of eloping in March. We had been very worried that Bryan was going to be deployed some time during 2010, forcing us to cancel the big wedding we had planned for August 2010. So we decided to outsmart the military and elope–that way, if Bryan did deploy, we would already be married, and I would be taken care of. If not, we could still have our big fat wedding.

I bought a dress and some jewelry, and flew to Japan for my spring break. Bryan had worked with an Okinawan civilian from his office to arrange the whole wedding. He made my dreams of getting married at sunset on a cliff overlooking the ocean come true. We were so happy to finally be man and wife.

I love this shot of my bouquet and the sailboat in the background.

After I finished my 1L year, I was lucky enough to get to jet (first class, no less) to Hawaii to meet Bryan! Bryan had a TDY there, and I got to relax in Honolulu with him for 3 weeks. We fell in love with Oahu and can’t wait to go back (but this time, we will avoid trashy Honolulu and stay on the North Shore).

Another picture of us messing around, probably after a day of drinking fruity tropical drinks.

And here we are after hiking Diamondhead in Oahu. Fitness is a big part of our relationship, something we are both always working to improve at, and we enjoy doing active things together (and then celebrating our hard work with delicious food and drink). This was a beautiful memory from 2010.

We did everything out of order in 2010. First we got married, and THEN we had our engagement photos taken. These next three shots were taken on the North Shore by the beautiful and talented Natalie Norton.

I think Bryan was really napping in this photo. Because even though he was working 3pm-3am shifts, I forced him to wake up at 7:00 am and go take photos with me. What a trooper.

Oh yeah, and Bryan never ended up getting deployed. So we had our big Arizona wedding after all! It was hot, hot, hot, but it was definitely one of the best days of my life. I love Bryan so much that I married him twice!

The theme of the wedding was based off of the dark beauty of black baccara roses. I loved how my bouquet turned out!

Our favorite picture from the wedding.

This beautiful photo was taken right as the lights went out, causing quite the chuckle among our wedding guests.

Our only family wedding photo from the evening. We’re so sweaty from all the dancing (especially Hayley–that girl was a dancing machine!).

The best part of our wedding was getting to share our special day with friends and family. We were so grateful to be able to see so many people that we haven’t seen in years!

I surprised Bryan by getting someone to drive us from the wedding to our hotel in a mint condition Volkswagen bus. I found the good samaritan online, and he did it for free. What an incredible end to an incredible day!

My sister Kelly got married in October, and I was her Matron of Honor. Her wedding was beautiful and I had such an amazing time dancing with family.

Beautiful photo of the bridesmaids with the blushing bride.

Back in skinny jeans! October 24, 2010 I switched to a Paleo diet, and lost 18 lbs. I’m never going back to my old eating habits (I can’t believe I used to eat a muffin for breakfast…and think it was healthy).

This year I also ran my first 5K, which I followed in November with a 4 mile run. Next year I plan to run many more races, including my first half marathon in May. Here I am with Hayley, the best little cheerleader.

And here I am after my post-wedding chop! It took me until December, but I finally cut my hair after growing it out all year for the wedding. I’m really loving the new shorter locks!

Well, 2010 has been quite a year. Bryan and I have been very lucky to get to spend so much time together this year, despite the high cost of all the plane tickets. We have spent at least$10,000 this year, we estimate, on plane tickets. We are definitely looking forward to next year, when we will finally be living together again (we hope).

In 2011, we have a lot to look forward to: Bryan’s PCS to New York in May, my move to New York in August, we plan to run a half marathon together in May and we’re both embarking on tightening up our switch to the Paleo diet and CrossFit. Stay tuned for many more adventures as we begin our first full year as a married couple living on the same continent!

Ever Ours: Man Candy

Here is my sexy man looking like Santa Claus while he shaves in the men’s locker room. This was right before he got kicked out of there, in a move that really pissed me off. Silverleaf, our venue, a country club which my parents are members of, told us that we were not allowed to use their BEAUTIFUL locker rooms to get ready in. Now I understand them not wanting a huge hoard of giddy wedding partiers ruining the experience of the other members…but come on. The actually getting ready part, and the accompanying shots, just look so much better in the locker rooms. I am annoyed that I didn’t break the rules and do my dressing in the divine locker room. Especially since I’ve seen multiple other brides who did just that. Anyways, I’ll get off my soap box now.

Bryan says this is his favorite picture from the wedding of himself. I think he looks very handsome.

I’m pretty sure Bryan does not like this picture, but I bet that’s only because the oversize shirt makes him look bigger than he is. I’ve been trying to get him to wear smaller sizes lately, and I think he’s coming around.

I really wanted some cool argyle socks for the groomsmen, but we couldn’t find any in our wedding colors (come on–are lemon and wine really that strange?), but I did eventually find these burgundy socks. Unfortunately, I don’t think we ever got a shot of all the groomsmen with their shoes and socks.

I love this shot of our custom wedding Converse sneakers. We got these for the groomsmen as gifts, and I think they got a chuckle from our wedding guests when the groomsmen walked down the aisle.

Mmmmmmm.

The men got ready in a sort of man cave with a pool table, bar, darts, etc. Very nice.

I love the ties. And the suspenders. Very glad we skipped the vests.

Ooohh. Artistic-y.

More sexy. Okay I’ll stop now.

Next up: the bride getting into her dress, and our first look.